Sweet, Sweet Victory

I had just sit down to a salad when my friend Laura called. “I’m at Something Sweet,” she said, “and they have an eating challenge.”

Now, let me just say right now that I’m not a competitive eater. I don’t strive to beat Kobayashi at hotdogs or (insert name) at (insert competition). But I do like a good challenge. And my friends are, well, very supportive.

Why did Laura call? Because of Something Sweet’s Sugar O.D. Challenge:

  • 4 brownies
  • 4 pieces of cheesecake (your choice)
  • 4 scoops of ice cream
  • covered in whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and 4 cherries.
  • Finish it in 45 minutes, and get it free. You also get your picture on the wall and a t-shirt.

To put this into perspective… 72 people had tried it. 72 people had failed.

“Are you telling me to come eat this right now?” I asked.


I put the salad back in the fridge.

The waitress looked at me with brief hesitation as I placed my order. “She’s going to do it. She’s going to be the first to finish it,” Laura bragged. I smiled nervously. I hate losing. And the ghosts of 72 fallen soldiers* were filling me with doubt. (past participants may or may not be dead)

The food arrived. Fuuuuu…

I guess it's kind of like a sugar salad...

Did I mention I’m not a huge fan of sweets? Because I was reminded of that fact right about now. The familiar sense of regret was creeping in.

This look is a mix of "This is stupid." and "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

And… go!

I sliced down the tower, getting a mix of all flavors. I knew the key was going to be offsetting the rich flavors of the brownies and cake with the milder ice cream. Listen to me, ha! I knew nothing. I had never tried this before! But $30 and my reputation were on the line.

So I ate.

Oops. Wrong picture.

I trucked along at a fast pace. The key to any food challenge is to finish before your body realizes what you have done. Because in reality– regardless which challenge you’ve picked– what you’ve done is just plain stupid.  If you stop eating, or take it slow, you risk hitting what Adam Richman calls “the wall.”  And it’s hard to come back from that.

At 7 minutes in, the waitress comes over… with a bucket. “Most people need this,” she said matter-of-factly. What she meant was, “You’ll use this — soon.”

At 12 minutes in, the waitress comes over with a look of surprise on her face. “You might actually do this!” she said without hiding her shock, “this is closer than most people get.”

She took a picture. “I should have been taking more of these, but I didn’t think you could do it.”

Me neither. And I still wasn’t sure.

Me neither.

It may not look like much to you, but my stomach wasn't too thrilled about the amount left.

You know how sometimes when you’re watching Man Vs Food, Adam gets to the last two bites and stops? That’s not for suspense. That’s very, very real.

My last several bites were pure brownie goo. Thick. Dense. Sludgy. Brownie goo. I had just eaten thousands of calories of pure sugar.

Do you remember that guy in the old Yoshi’s Island commercial?

"No More." Shrug, Chomp. "Uh oh..." Kaboom!

This felt like my version. Two bites left, but I didn’t want to end up being green splatter on the wall.

No. More. Eat.

But the crowd was rooting. They wanted a victory. They even stopped their Scattergories game so I would stop choking while trying not to laugh food into my lungs.

I had to win.

… So I did. .. In 15 minutes and 11 seconds.

Showing off. The taste of the syrup made me regret this.

Victory is Sweet.

Really, Caption? We’re going with puns now?



It’s ok.


I got to hang my temporary picture in the winner’s section where it sits awkwardly in an empty plot of wall.

It's lonely at the top.

Then they invited me back for an “award ceremony” of sorts, where they would present me with a t-shirt (they had never ordered any because no one had ever won) and hang my framed picture.

P.S. Thanks to Hank Knaack of The Examiner and Something Sweet for the pictures!

And, if you’re curious, here’s a video that the Tucson Weekly did while covering the awards ceremony. *Note, I don’t like being the center of attention, so I was SUPER uncomfortable for this entire thing. You’ll notice — I’m just warning you.

21 thoughts on “Sweet, Sweet Victory

  1. Pingback: Cardboard Shell completes desert dessert challenge- | EatFeats

  2. You are f-ing amazing! This is the second of this type right? Next is super nachos!! Anyone who had anything negative to say is jealous and can go suck it! They were prob one of the many who failed lol…

  3. blogroll?

    Oh, and congrats!
    You should stop by my parent’s ice cream shop sometime; next year we’re getting an addition to the menu, it’s gonna be called “The Bathtub”…
    *evil grin

  4. For funsies. Duh.

    But in all seriousness, yes, it’s a bad thing to do to your body. However, self-preservation has never been at the top of my priority list.

    Other things I do for fun:
    – Jump off cliffs
    – Run the Spartan Race (look it up. SO FUN!)
    – Drink Vodka Redbulls
    – Walk alone at night
    – Climb trees until my fear of heights kicks in and crawl or jump back down
    – Run at the park at 11:00pm
    – Drive too fast
    – Make inappropriate jokes at inopportune times

    …Sugar is the least of my worries.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s